Posts tagged ‘Stupid’

May 16, 2011

Does Rick Springfield want to kill Jesse and his girl?

by Me

Here’s a quiz: Imagine you’re drunk. Now imagine you’re driving. Now imagine that the cops pull you over. Do you:

A. walk in a straight line as best you can and try to pretend you’re not as drunk as you are

B. Admit your mistake, understanding that the police are just doing their jobs and pick up your car from the impound lot in the morning

C. Tell the cops that if they tow your car you’re going to “f*cking kill” them and their families

According to the website TMZ, singer Rick Springfield chose C.

Here's Springfield's mugshot. That's the face of a stone-cold killer. Or an '80s pop star. One or the other.

The website reported that when the “Jesse’s Girl” singer was arrested allegedly driving his $200,000 Stingray drunk as a skunk, he threatened the cops and their families. The cops, TMZ reported, excluded that little bit of info on the report because when you’re a celebrity in California, little things like threats of multiple murders don’t matter that much.

Keep in mind that, as TMZ noted, the same police station conveniently forgot to mention that when Mel Gibson pulled a similar stunt a few years ago, his anti-Semitic rant went under the radar, too.

Springfield’s rep didn’t even bother to deny the charge (or confirm it) — he just pointed out how sorry it was that information like this can be leaked to news sources:

“Someone has leaked information illegally. It’s a sad reflection on society today that people in law enforcement who we look up to, pander to the celebrity gossip channels.”

May 12, 2011

Lawmaker, Sen. Prague, gives us a chance to say ‘penis’

by Me

It’s safe to say that state Sen. Edith Prague believes in the death penalty. Emphatically. So much so, in fact, that the tried and arguably true methods of electrocution and lethal injection are far too modest for her standards. Tarring and feathering? For wimps. Having the convict drawn and quartered? Getting closer, but not quite there yet.

See that look in her eye? She's thinking about hanging someone by the penis.

No, as reports, when it comes to people like Joshua Komisarjevsky, who allegedly took part in the rape and murder of a family in Cheshire, “they should bypass the trial and take that second animal and hang him by his penis from a tree out in the middle of Main Street.”

Which is an actual quote from an actual state senator in Connecticut.

While we at Dumb Things of the Week condemn Prague’s flagrant lack of respect for the judicial process and her apparent emphatic approval of cruel and unusual treatment — you can’t call being hung by the penis (heh) anything else — we applaud Prague’s complete lack of verbal filters, because  without people like her we’d have nothing to say.

Prague’s comments came in opposition to a bill that would abolish the death penalty, though perhaps it’s necessary to make it totally clear that hanging yet-to-be convicted criminals by their genitals in public is something we, well, frown upon.

Just saying.

UPDATE: Lawyers for Joshua Komisarjevsky have come out against Prague’s, um, suggestion, saying, “She could have simply announced her reversal in a more responsible manner without need for an anatomical reference.”

Read the full story in the New Haven Register by clicking HERE.

May 7, 2011

What not to post on Facebook

by Me

Michael P. Adams is probably kicking himself right now, and he deserves every regret-filled smack he gets.

He's smiling because he's been elected governor. Which means he doesn't have to take your crap anymore.

As The Hartford Courant reported, Adams was arrested this week for allegedly posting a threat on his Facebook profile. And he didn’t threaten just anyone, police say. They say he threatened the governor.

According to the Courant, which used a statement from the Connecticut State Police, Adams decided it was a good idea to say on his Facebook page that “he hoped that Governor Malloy [would] be shot by an angry New Yorker during his visit to New York.”

Is that technically a threat? Well, maybe not, but there are some universal although unwritten rules regarding social media, and rule No. 1 is “Don’t say a politician should die.” It’s right up there with “Don’t sell drugs on Twitter” and “Don’t spread child pornography on LinkedIn.” Well, don’t spread child pornography anywhere — but you get the point.

You see, Mr. Adams, as you might have learned in the preceding 36 years, people with virtual (or real) armies at their control, like mayors, governors, presidents and Justin Bieber, don’t take kindly to even vague threats. And social media is, well, social. The two don’t mix.

If you feel like throwing threats out there, try threatening some fictional characters, like “Gee, I wish Holden Caulfield would get stabbed,” or “Somebody should shoot Count Rugen from ‘The Princess Bride.'” Much safer.

But when he puts Pink Floyd's "Welcome to the Machine" on the stereo, run.

April 30, 2011

What’s worth $1,000 an inch?

by Me

A portion of the funds needed to build a planned $600 million busway between Hartford and New Britain was approved by the state bonding commission, reports, though it did meet some opposition.

According to The Connecticut Mirror, Sen. Andrew Roraback voiced some concerns over the project, the cost for which the state will foot $113 million.

Though he professed to be “not very good at math,” Roraback, the Mirror reports, said the project would cost $952 per inch of busway.

That, dear readers, is as dumb as it gets. Is the busway to be made out of gold? Will there be wait service and champagne cocktails?

Roraback’s point is well taken, and he wins the award for least dumb legislator (should such an award be created). Just for fun, let’s do the math on some other projects, and see how much they cost on an incremental basis.

Empire State of Inches

– At 1,454 feet, or 17,448 inches from base to lightening rod tip, The Empire State Building cost $40,948,900 to build in 1931. That’s $2,347 per inch in 1931 dollars, or $31,480 per inch by today’s standards.

Big Heads

– Mount Rushmore (the monument, not the 1960s band) features the heads of four U.S. presidents, each head a whopping 60 feet in height. The project cost $989,992 to build, or $4,125 per foot, per head, by 1941 standards, when the monument was completed. Today, each head would have cost $63,176.57 per foot.

Cost per bullet

– According to one blog, the United States fires about 100 million bullets in Iraq in each year, at least as of 2004. The (reverse) Roraback Math Method: A 50-round box of 9mm bullets costs about $9 at Wal-Mart. That’s 18 cents per bullet, or $18,000,000 worth of bullets fired each year in Iraq.

Conclusion? A bit less than $1,000 per inch for a busway seems a steal.

April 28, 2011

Battle royale: Fishermen vs. hair dressers

by Me

It should be a core rule for life: If Kesha does it, don’t.

But millions aren’t taking that seemingly basic piece of advice, and fly fishermen are suffering as a result.

NPR’s Marketplace reported recently that the trend of putting rooster feathers in your hair  — made popular by Kesha and others — is giving fly fishermen a hard time.

You see, the same rooster tail feathers that go in your hair are used to make the lures fly fishermen use. And so many are heading off to salons that there aren’t enough left for the fishermen.

Now, I grant you, as problems of the world go, this ranks pretty low, but at least we have something else with which to blame celebrities: The degradation of morality, lower artistic standards and no brook trout on the table.

April 27, 2011

The first ever basketball game played on an aircraft carrier

by Me

Talk about dumb.

Michigan State and the University of North Carolina will play, on Nov. 11, the first-ever NCAA basketball game on an aircraft carrier.

And this makes sense how?

Though no ship has been confirmed, it looks like the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan will pay host to the game, intended to honor servicemen and women.

And this isn’t a new idea — the “Carrier Classic,” as the game is being called, has been mulled around since 2009. And in all that time, nobody, not one person woke up one morning and said to themselves, “Wait a minute, Why are we doing this?”

Of all the ways to honor those in the military — oh, I don’t know, like giving them the training, tools and support they need to succeed in their jobs, providing adequate medical care after their tours of duty are completed or (just a shot in the dark here) putting a sensible limit on the number tours of duty one can serve — where does this idea really make it onto the list?

April 26, 2011

Altoona changes its name

by Me

It was reported today that the Pennsylvania city of Altoona will change its name — officially — to “POM Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold.”

Morgan Spurlock, as he is best known.


It’s the title of Morgan Spurlock’s latest film, it’s a commentary on shameless advertising practices and it will only last 60 days, but it’s also the dumbest thing I’ve heard yet today.

If you need to actually change the name of a freaking town to get your point across, maybe it’s not a point that needs to be made.

It’s not the first time a town has changed its name to make a bit of scratch — Hot Springs, New Mexico changed its name to Truth or Consequences, New Mexico a while back, but look how well it worked out for them. Now nobody remembers what the heck Truth or Consequences was (a game show) and nobody’s heading to the town for the pleasant hot springs.

Granted, “Altoona” is a pretty dumb name, too.

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