Posts tagged ‘Dumb’

July 14, 2013

Sharknado: Everything that’s wrong with society in one made-up word

by Me

Sharknado. Or perhaps we should write it, #Sharknado.

If you have zero idea what a sharknado is, count yourself lucky and click away, dear reader — click away and save your very soul.

Still here? OK…

“Sharknado” is, assuming you don’t already know and are a weird, masochistic glutton for cultural punishment, a SyFy channel original movie in which, thanks to the help of a massive storm, thousands of man-eating great whites come raining down, mouths agape, upon an unsuspecting populace.

Really.

Here at DTOTW, we believe this heralds the coming of the apocalypse. When the trailer, below, premiered Twitter was, well, all a-twitter with the news. The story was covered by National Public Radio, among other respectable news outlets. Will Wheaton got into the act, as did Newark, N.J. Mayor Cory Booker.

Sharknado is a designed-to-be-bad movie featuring terrible actors — all apologies to Ms. Tara Reid, whose recent portrayal of Lady Macbeth at London’s Globe theater we heard was positively divine (not really). And yet folks — intelligent, successful, talented people (some of them, anyway) — line up to be a part of the fun.

The movie will do very well. People will tune in by the millions, knowing full well that it’s going to be unwatchable.

Now, we are not the first to suggest that filmmakers are following the “Snakes on a Plane” formula, combining two frightening things into one horrible amalgam of idiocy.

But “Snakes on a Plan” should have been the end. When, dear God, will it stop? Tarantulacane? ZombieNaziquake (in which the ground opens up to allow swarms of zombified Nazis the chance to take over San Diego)?

Now, the odd thing is, a sharknado is a real possibility. Not likely, per se, but possible. It has happened. There is, for example, a town in the Philippines that dealt with a rain of fish as recently as last year. Hell, there’s a burg in Honduras that has an annual festival devoted to fish-rain.

And, lo, the people gazed toward Heaven as the rivers ran with maple syrup and fish did fly as birds, and the people knew the end was nigh.

 

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January 30, 2013

The kinda dumb story of “the cup song”

by Me

Those of you older than 14 may not have heard the cup song, or heard of “Pitch Perfect.” The story of the cup song is simultaneously a wonderful allegory for the power of social media and the future of music, and proof that kids are, essentially, dumb.

From old-timey country ballad to tween sensation, the cup song has gone through some odd iterations — and most of the thousands of little girls currently annoying their parents by banging cups on desks and tables have no idea of the song’s origins.

This is the cup song, as performed by Anna Kendrick in the film “Pitch Perfect.”

That’s cool. But, wait — there’s this band from across the pond, Lulu and the Lampshades, who did an even better version of it, way, way back in 2009.

And, as Know Your Meme points out, the two, too-cute girls from Lulu got the cup beat from a different YouTube video, published more than a year earlier.

But, long before that — like 90 years before — Mainer’s Mountaineers recorded a country tune called “You’re Gonna Miss Me.”

Knowing the long and tortured history of “You’re Gonna Miss Me” isn’t dumb, and seeing how social media can turn a dusty, half-forgotten country tune into a tween mega-hit is fascinating. Do kids even care that Mainer’s Mountaineers recorded, nearly a century earlier, what would become a bit for Anna Kendrick on David Letterman? Probably not.

UPDATE: As a few commenters (see below) have mentioned, the cup beat portion is far older than we at Dumb Things previously thought.

The classic show “Full House” featured the “cup game” way back in season three, in 1989, as seen in the clip below.

But before that, Christian singer Rich Mullins played the cup game in 1987 to accompany his song, “Screen Door.”

Probably, though, the cup game is older than that. Was Mullins the first? If you know differently, leave a comment.

June 20, 2011

Hackers hit dating site with the ugly stick

by Me

Here’s a case where hackers did something positive.

Website hacks have become ever more prevalent these days. Lulzsec, for example, is credited with cracking the CIA’s site (and no, not the Culinary Institute of America) as well as PBS’ website.

If you look like this, don't bother dating at all. Unless you can find an enchanted princess chained to a rock by a dragon and who, therefore, can't run away.

You could make a case that throwing a thorn into the side of national security and public broadcasting is not that nice. But, according to media like The Guardian, among others, a group of hackers infiltrated Beautifulpeople.com and let 30,000 ugly faces in the front door.

In case you don’t know, Beautifulpeople.com is a dating site that relies on no fewer than three mortal sins — lust, pride and greed. In order to be accepted, a potential dater must be rated as beautiful, and the site itself boasts thousands of people rejected for not being pretty enough.

And it doesn’t end there — last year, 5,000 people were kicked off the site after Christmas when they appeared to have gained some weight.

Really.

Then the hackers opened the door.

“We got suspicious when tens of thousands of new members were accepted over a six-week period, many of whom were no oil painting,” managing director Greg Hodge told The Guardian.

Upwards of 30,000 “ugly” people were let in the door, many of whom were then kicked out, costing the site tons of cashola.

This is Monica Hansen, Miss Norway. Apparently all Norwegian women look like this.

Oh, by the way, the virus was called “Shrek,” after the animated ogre who proves that looks don’t matter.

Interestingly, it matters where you’re from. Swedes are the most represented nationality on the site, as are Norwegians. Brits, Irish and Americans, apparently, need not apply.

God bless those hackers. Score one for the homely.

June 6, 2011

Pennies as protest — or, 2,500 reasons to get arrested

by Me

News media were abuzz this morning with a report that a Utah man paid a disputed $25 medical bill with pennies, and was subsequently arrested and charged with disorderly conflict.

Really.

Fast fact: When Seal Team Six found Osama bin Laden, he was reportedly discovered with literally tons of pennies, just waiting to drop them on an unsuspecting populace.

No, to be clear, he didn’t just pay with pennies — Jason West (no relation to Kanye, we assume) didn’t take the time to roll them into nice little cylinders. No, he walked in, said something along the lines of “Say hello to my little friends” (we hope), and dumped about 15 pounds of pennies on the counter and floor.

The folks at the medical clinic were flabbergasted, to say the least, more than one shouting, “Oh! The humanity!” before collapsing into piles of gurgling piles of flesh (again, we hope).

And, for this reason, West was charged with disorderly conflict.

As for the pennies-to-weight conversion, we checked. Each U.S. penny (post 1982) weighs 2.5 grams, so 2,500 of them equals about 15 pounds.

We also did a bit of other research: We tried to find out what, in 2011, you could buy with a single Lincoln pseudo-copper penny. To help out all the money-conscious out there, we compiled a list (because it is our lot in life to be a salve to those in need). That list is below:

 

 

 

 

 

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June 4, 2011

The evils of marijuana

by Me

We’re sort of apolitical here at Dumb Things of the Week. We don’t take stances on anything but idiocy, an issue about which we feel passionately.

So while the Connecticut State Senate is debating a bill that would decriminalize small amounts of marijuana, we’re not going to say ye or nay — nobody cares what we think, anyway.

REEFER MADNESS!!!!

And Sen. Toni Boucher has a right to her opin- no, wait, no she doesn’t. She should have no right to voice an opinion based on stupidity and misinformation.

During her drearily long speech on the floor of the Senate, using as much hyperbole and misinformation as there are characters in the Chinese alphabet, she spoke about the evils of marijuana, the terrible havoc it wreaks on unsuspecting children, how it leads to terrible things and how horrible the state will be should the bill pass.

She really did.

In her closing remarks, Boucher said she gets “physically sick when I think about this issue”  and read from an essay by a 7th grade student in New Haven who had been adopted.

This can kill you ... in 80 years or so.

“When I was born my mom had a drug addiction problem,” the kid, who remained nameless, supposedly wrote. He was apparently in and out of foster homes and was lucky enough to find a permanent residence with a loving family only four years ago.

“I don’t ever want to use drugs because drugs took my parents away from me,” he wrote.

Um, Ms. Boucher, can we ask a question? Which drugs? Weed? His parents were unable to take care of him because they smoked too much pot?

Yeah, right.

And, um, Ms. Boucher, can we ask another question? WHYARE YOU READING A 7th GRADER’s ESSAY ON THE FLOOR OF THE SENATE??

 

Sorry. Just had to vent there. Let’s all calm down with a bit of music.

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May 30, 2011

New York’s Weiner: ‘That’s not my crotch’ – oh, wait, yes it is

by Me

UPDATE: Our crack investigative team has uncovered (well, bad choice of words there) the famous picture Rep. Weiner now admits he sent. For all of you just dying to see it, here it is. But, remember, once seen, it can’t be unseen. You have been warned

 

 

You grow up with the surname “Weiner” and you know you’re going to hear it all. But, one would think, that by the time you’re a married man, a father and a rather well-known congressmen, the weiner jokes would, well, get kind of soft.

In this photo, Rep. Anthony Weiner is not, in any way, showing everybody the size of his penis.

Rep. Anthony Weiner, a New York congressman known for being a bit, shall we say outspoken, says his Twitter profile was hacked when a 21-year-old woman from Seattle received a picture of what purported to be Rep. Weiner’s namesake, according to the New York Daily News.

Now, we here at DTOTW would LOVE to provide that photo to our readers but the post and the photo were taken down immediately after getting posted. Weiner, far from being amused (he should have been flattered — we hear the photo “left little to the imagination” and displayed a quite well-endowed member of congress) seemed initially bored.

Police, take note. This, according to Rep. Weiner, is an artist's rendering of the man who hacked the congressman's Twitter account.

“Touche Prof Moriarity. More Weiner Jokes for all my guests!” he tweeted later.

The Daily News quoted a spokesperson who suggested that the whole incident was a scheme to distract the Weiner-loving populace and that a future lawsuit was not impossible.

The unwitting foil, Gennette Nicole Cordova, said she’s never been to New York or D.C., and has never met the honorable Mr. Weiner.

“All of this is so outlandish that I don’t know whether to be pissed off or amused, quite frankly.” That’s what she said.

What’s the problem? That’s what she said. Really.

On a side note, what’s with Weiner’s allusion to Prof. James Moriarty? Does Weiner stylize himself as a modern-day Sherlock Holmes? does it take a “Napoleon of crime” to hack a Twitter account?

No, Weiner’s ego is probably just a bit larger than the photo phallus he says he did not tweet to the world.

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May 26, 2011

Sex offender busted trolling web in public, next to a cop

by Me

There are those who say that sex offenders suffer from a disease. Then there are those who say that child molesters are the scum scraped from the bottom of some primordial tide-pool and deserve whatever genital mutilation they receive.

Whichever it is, the first rule for any convicted criminal should be don’t get caught again. Go straight. Keep your nose clean. Suffer for your sins.

If California authorities can be believed, Robert Nicholas McGuire didn’t follow that advice. A convicted sex offender, he was arrested after allegedly trolling Facebook on an iPad at an Apple store while standing next to a police officer.

Facebook. THE source for child pornographers worldwide.

He had previously been convicted on a child porn charge, as the Huffington Post reports, and was recognized and followed as he walked into the retail outlet in San Louis Obispo.

So, there he (allegedly) is, trolling for child porn on an iPad in an Apple store, and a cop walks up and starts browsing the computer next to him. The cop pulls up a Megan’s Law website which identifies McGuire and provides a photo.

McGuire, not surprisingly, was arrested. There was little question about his identity, after all.

This is akin to a bank robber walking into a Western Union to case the joint while his picture is hanging up on the wall.

If guilty, you can argue that McGuire is scum — or, you can argue that he’s sick. But you can’t argue with the idea that, as criminals go, he’s more Darwin Award than Professor Moriarty.

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May 25, 2011

Legislature OKs cow poop raffles

by Me

Importance, we now know, is relative. For some, the most important this is freedom. For some, that freedom means the freedom to bet on where a cow will poop without the government getting all involved.

Really.

What happens when the cow poops over several sqaures?

The Connecticut legislature this week, while weighing things like subsidized education for immigrants and, you know, boring stuff like that, took the time out to approve a change in how it regulates cow chip raffles.

As the Connecticut Mirror reported, a cow stands on a chalked grid and participants each buy a square. The cow does what cows do best and, depending on where nature calls, you might be a winner.

The best part of this story is how seriously legislators took the debate.

“If you are the person who bought a ticket in a cow chip raffle, you want to know how it’s being played,” Rep. Patricia Widlitz told the Mirror.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

The state statute that will be changed goes as follows: “Each organization intending to sponsor or conduct a cow-chip raffle shall furnish with its application, required pursuant to section 7-173, a cow-chip raffle plot plan displaying the land area to be utilized for such raffle and the numbered plots, each corresponding to a numbered cow-chip raffle ticket.

Which, translated from legalese, means that the state wanted a map of the plot of land on which the cows would poop. The legislature no longer seems to feel that such information is necessary for good governance.

The world’s going to Hell in a hand-basket. What’s next? Rules on duck races? Oh, wait — the same regulation applies there, too:

For the purpose of this subsection, “duck-race raffle” means a raffle in which artificial ducks, numbered consecutively to correspond with the number of tickets sold for such raffle, are placed in a naturally moving stream of water at a designated starting point and in which the ticket corresponding to the number of the first duck to pass a designated finishing point is the winning ticket.”

May 24, 2011

‘Hey let’s all get together and breastfeed for mom’s rights’

by Me

It sounds like some sort of weird sexual deviant’s idea of a good time, but it’s not.

No, it’s a matter of freedom of expression, and the right to breastfeed any damn place we choose.

As the Valley Independent reported, a mom from Shelton, Conn. was asked to “cover up” while breastfeeding her child at the Trumbull Mall. A security guard, apparently offended by the sight of a naked breast, asked her to keep her private parts, well, private because as we all know, mall cops are the bastions of decency and morality.

If not them, who?

Of course, mall cops are not real cops, so the poor guy didn’t know that the mom was legally allowed to breastfeed, in public.

What else are malls for?

We grant you, there’s a fine line between a bunch of women taking off their tops and running around yelling hoogah hoogah hoogah and a mother breastfeeding her child. It’s a very fine line indeed, but clearly defined by law.

Don’t take our word for it — CLICK HERE for the real skinny on the subject.

The solution? A “nurse-in.” Here’s a quote from the story: “We’re going to go there, we’ll sit down in the food court and we’ll do what’s meant to be done in a food court — feed our kids.”

That’s right, a bunch of nursing mothers are planning a 1960s-style sit-in with added breastfeeding in protest, perhaps, of the antiquated and holier-than-thou outlooks of mall security guards everywhere.

Eight mothers have already signed up to take part in the milk-based protest.

So, what you’ll have is a bunch of young women taking (parts of) their tops off while their infant children make sucking noises in unison.

In the immortal words of Yakov Smirnoff, what a country!

May 23, 2011

Reporter admits she’s an idiot

by Me

It’s no laughing matter. As the New Haven Register reported, claims of inappropriate punishments spurred an investigation by child services agency DCF.

This woman is a member of the 4th Estate. Or 5th. Oh, I don't know, there's just too much to remember.

So, if you’re a reporter on LIVE TELEVISION, you might want to get the story straight. You might, say, know what the story is about before going on LIVE TELEVISION.

And, if you don’t, you might have to forgive your dreams of being a real reporter and go back to whatever your minor in college was.

UPDATE: As you can see below, YouTube removed the video at WTNH’s request, due to copyright violations. we think this is the absolute dumbest part of this story — a silly video like this, with the right promotion, could have gone viral garnering a heck of a lot of publicity for the channel. Can someone please remind WTNH that there’s no such thing as bad publicity?

We all remember the case of the reporter at the Grammys who suffered a stroke while on LIVE TELEVISION. Here it is again, in case you forgot:

But the reporter for WTNH didn’t suffer a stroke, or suffer from some neurological disorder. No, she just suffered from idiocy.

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