Posts tagged ‘Celebrities’

July 14, 2013

Sharknado: Everything that’s wrong with society in one made-up word

by Me

Sharknado. Or perhaps we should write it, #Sharknado.

If you have zero idea what a sharknado is, count yourself lucky and click away, dear reader — click away and save your very soul.

Still here? OK…

“Sharknado” is, assuming you don’t already know and are a weird, masochistic glutton for cultural punishment, a SyFy channel original movie in which, thanks to the help of a massive storm, thousands of man-eating great whites come raining down, mouths agape, upon an unsuspecting populace.


Here at DTOTW, we believe this heralds the coming of the apocalypse. When the trailer, below, premiered Twitter was, well, all a-twitter with the news. The story was covered by National Public Radio, among other respectable news outlets. Will Wheaton got into the act, as did Newark, N.J. Mayor Cory Booker.

Sharknado is a designed-to-be-bad movie featuring terrible actors — all apologies to Ms. Tara Reid, whose recent portrayal of Lady Macbeth at London’s Globe theater we heard was positively divine (not really). And yet folks — intelligent, successful, talented people (some of them, anyway) — line up to be a part of the fun.

The movie will do very well. People will tune in by the millions, knowing full well that it’s going to be unwatchable.

Now, we are not the first to suggest that filmmakers are following the “Snakes on a Plane” formula, combining two frightening things into one horrible amalgam of idiocy.

But “Snakes on a Plan” should have been the end. When, dear God, will it stop? Tarantulacane? ZombieNaziquake (in which the ground opens up to allow swarms of zombified Nazis the chance to take over San Diego)?

Now, the odd thing is, a sharknado is a real possibility. Not likely, per se, but possible. It has happened. There is, for example, a town in the Philippines that dealt with a rain of fish as recently as last year. Hell, there’s a burg in Honduras that has an annual festival devoted to fish-rain.

And, lo, the people gazed toward Heaven as the rivers ran with maple syrup and fish did fly as birds, and the people knew the end was nigh.


May 16, 2011

Does Rick Springfield want to kill Jesse and his girl?

by Me

Here’s a quiz: Imagine you’re drunk. Now imagine you’re driving. Now imagine that the cops pull you over. Do you:

A. walk in a straight line as best you can and try to pretend you’re not as drunk as you are

B. Admit your mistake, understanding that the police are just doing their jobs and pick up your car from the impound lot in the morning

C. Tell the cops that if they tow your car you’re going to “f*cking kill” them and their families

According to the website TMZ, singer Rick Springfield chose C.

Here's Springfield's mugshot. That's the face of a stone-cold killer. Or an '80s pop star. One or the other.

The website reported that when the “Jesse’s Girl” singer was arrested allegedly driving his $200,000 Stingray drunk as a skunk, he threatened the cops and their families. The cops, TMZ reported, excluded that little bit of info on the report because when you’re a celebrity in California, little things like threats of multiple murders don’t matter that much.

Keep in mind that, as TMZ noted, the same police station conveniently forgot to mention that when Mel Gibson pulled a similar stunt a few years ago, his anti-Semitic rant went under the radar, too.

Springfield’s rep didn’t even bother to deny the charge (or confirm it) — he just pointed out how sorry it was that information like this can be leaked to news sources:

“Someone has leaked information illegally. It’s a sad reflection on society today that people in law enforcement who we look up to, pander to the celebrity gossip channels.”

May 4, 2011

TMI, Sheen, and MYOB

by Me

According to news sources, Charlie Sheen is sharing personal information about his former girlfriends.

Sheen apparently told the crowd during his Violent Torpedo of Truth tour that his then-girlfriend Kelly Preston shot herself in 1990.

Here’s what the website said about the situation:

Preston appeared naked at the top of the stairs covered in blood. He says that she had picked up a pair of his pants in the bathroom, without realizing his revolver was in the pocket. The gun fell to the ground and discharged. The bullet hit the toilet and shrapnel or a piece of broken porcelain hit Preston.

If Sheen needs to resort to sharing what might be  suicide attempt stories from former girlfriends to keep himself in the news, maybe he should call it quits. Of course, the story as told is not a suicide attempt story. No, it’s a boring bit of drivel that nobody cares about.

Of course, the other dumb thing about this is the celebrity worship we all seem to be guilty of. For example, Scarlett Johansson was in the news earlier this week, and trending on, because her hair color changed.

Great. Wonderful. Thanks. Definitely need-to-know information. Yeah.

May 1, 2011

Dodd picks a Peck

by Me

So, you’re finished with a long career in politics, having reached the high and mighty office of senator. But now you’re done. It’s all over. Off to the golf course and, if you’re Chris Dodd, to Hollywood.

Why was Chris Dodd in LA launching a stamp of all things?

That’s right — The Hollywood Reporter this week reported that Mr. Dodd was in La-la Land this week alongside, of all the people in the world, Sharon Stone and Morgan Freeman to usher in a new Gregory Peck commemorative stamp for the U.S. Postal Service.

This is so dumb in so many ways. Let’s list the idiocy, in the hope it makes some sort of rational sense after the exercise:

1. Why the heck is Dodd chief of the MPAA?

2. Does the post office really think a Peck stamp is going to revive its flagging business? (Maybe, considering the age of people who actually send letters these days.)

3. Why in tarnation is Sharon Stone there? (The LA Times reported that Stone met Peck once, so that makes sense.)

4. Doesn’t Dodd have anything better to do?

Nope. Didn’t help a bit.

Oh, yeah, that's why.

April 28, 2011

Yo, I’m the Mayor of Danbury and I’m here to say …

by Me

Danbury Mayor Mark Boughton thinks he’s cool, or he wants the kids to think he’s cool, but like all older people trying to navigate the world of youthful slang, he doesn’t come off looking cool, he comes off looking dumb.

Apparently Boughton, who says he’s been using Twitter since 2008, likes to refer to himself as the Notorious B.I.G.

The Wall Street Journal reports that, when announcing a new app for the iPhone that will allow city residents to share their municpal concerns, he used the hashtag #BigPoppagotanewtoy. Seriously. Check it out by CLICKING HERE.

Are there any similarities between Boughton and B.I.G.? You be the judge.

“I goof around and talk about American Idol, but then I can also use it to communicate with residents in real time about important issues,” is what Boughton told The Journal, which means he looks pretty lame to all those hep cats and cool chicks (words he’d probably use) he’s trying to attract.

Boughton, by all accounts, is pretty smart, but using rap terminology makes him look, well, the opposite.

Boughton’s not the only one who uses modern entertainers as vehicles on his Twitter feed. U.S. Rep. Chris Murphy, who is running for a seat in the U.S. Senate, tweeted the following on Feb. 17:

“Oh wait…just heard what Biebs said about abortion. Ugh. #timetobequietagainjustin #bieberfevercured”

Earlier that month, apparently attempting to garner the votes of residents 5-years-old and younger, he Tweeted this:

You know, these two do look somewhat alike.

“Every episode of Thomas the Train has a major accident. DOT needs to shut this shoddy RR down ASAP.”

Before that, he showed his knowledge of hip-hop with the following tweet:

“Is it me, or is the new Diddy song a total @kanyewest ripoff? #questionsforlongcarrides”

So, Boughton, apparently, has nothing on Murphy.

April 28, 2011

Battle royale: Fishermen vs. hair dressers

by Me

It should be a core rule for life: If Kesha does it, don’t.

But millions aren’t taking that seemingly basic piece of advice, and fly fishermen are suffering as a result.

NPR’s Marketplace reported recently that the trend of putting rooster feathers in your hair  — made popular by Kesha and others — is giving fly fishermen a hard time.

You see, the same rooster tail feathers that go in your hair are used to make the lures fly fishermen use. And so many are heading off to salons that there aren’t enough left for the fishermen.

Now, I grant you, as problems of the world go, this ranks pretty low, but at least we have something else with which to blame celebrities: The degradation of morality, lower artistic standards and no brook trout on the table.

%d bloggers like this: