Posts tagged ‘Animals’

July 14, 2013

Sharknado: Everything that’s wrong with society in one made-up word

by Me

Sharknado. Or perhaps we should write it, #Sharknado.

If you have zero idea what a sharknado is, count yourself lucky and click away, dear reader — click away and save your very soul.

Still here? OK…

“Sharknado” is, assuming you don’t already know and are a weird, masochistic glutton for cultural punishment, a SyFy channel original movie in which, thanks to the help of a massive storm, thousands of man-eating great whites come raining down, mouths agape, upon an unsuspecting populace.

Really.

Here at DTOTW, we believe this heralds the coming of the apocalypse. When the trailer, below, premiered Twitter was, well, all a-twitter with the news. The story was covered by National Public Radio, among other respectable news outlets. Will Wheaton got into the act, as did Newark, N.J. Mayor Cory Booker.

Sharknado is a designed-to-be-bad movie featuring terrible actors — all apologies to Ms. Tara Reid, whose recent portrayal of Lady Macbeth at London’s Globe theater we heard was positively divine (not really). And yet folks — intelligent, successful, talented people (some of them, anyway) — line up to be a part of the fun.

The movie will do very well. People will tune in by the millions, knowing full well that it’s going to be unwatchable.

Now, we are not the first to suggest that filmmakers are following the “Snakes on a Plane” formula, combining two frightening things into one horrible amalgam of idiocy.

But “Snakes on a Plan” should have been the end. When, dear God, will it stop? Tarantulacane? ZombieNaziquake (in which the ground opens up to allow swarms of zombified Nazis the chance to take over San Diego)?

Now, the odd thing is, a sharknado is a real possibility. Not likely, per se, but possible. It has happened. There is, for example, a town in the Philippines that dealt with a rain of fish as recently as last year. Hell, there’s a burg in Honduras that has an annual festival devoted to fish-rain.

And, lo, the people gazed toward Heaven as the rivers ran with maple syrup and fish did fly as birds, and the people knew the end was nigh.

 

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May 25, 2011

Legislature OKs cow poop raffles

by Me

Importance, we now know, is relative. For some, the most important this is freedom. For some, that freedom means the freedom to bet on where a cow will poop without the government getting all involved.

Really.

What happens when the cow poops over several sqaures?

The Connecticut legislature this week, while weighing things like subsidized education for immigrants and, you know, boring stuff like that, took the time out to approve a change in how it regulates cow chip raffles.

As the Connecticut Mirror reported, a cow stands on a chalked grid and participants each buy a square. The cow does what cows do best and, depending on where nature calls, you might be a winner.

The best part of this story is how seriously legislators took the debate.

“If you are the person who bought a ticket in a cow chip raffle, you want to know how it’s being played,” Rep. Patricia Widlitz told the Mirror.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

The state statute that will be changed goes as follows: “Each organization intending to sponsor or conduct a cow-chip raffle shall furnish with its application, required pursuant to section 7-173, a cow-chip raffle plot plan displaying the land area to be utilized for such raffle and the numbered plots, each corresponding to a numbered cow-chip raffle ticket.

Which, translated from legalese, means that the state wanted a map of the plot of land on which the cows would poop. The legislature no longer seems to feel that such information is necessary for good governance.

The world’s going to Hell in a hand-basket. What’s next? Rules on duck races? Oh, wait — the same regulation applies there, too:

For the purpose of this subsection, “duck-race raffle” means a raffle in which artificial ducks, numbered consecutively to correspond with the number of tickets sold for such raffle, are placed in a naturally moving stream of water at a designated starting point and in which the ticket corresponding to the number of the first duck to pass a designated finishing point is the winning ticket.”

May 23, 2011

Animals are stupid — vid of the week

by Me

We’re embarking on a new weekly segment we like to call “Animals are Stupid/Kids Are Dumb,” in which each week we’ll bring you a video that displays exactly how much smarter we humans are than our four-legged friends or, alternately, how much smarter adults are than children.

Here’s the first video in the series, showing how something as simple as ice can fool a cat. Enjoy!

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