Archive for ‘Dumb Celebrities’

September 13, 2013

Miley Cyrus and her not-so dumb performance

by Me

Miley Cyrus’ now infamous performance at the VMAs was featured, in one form or another, in just about every newspaper, website, television station, dinner table, water cooler and aboriginal encampment across the United States — nay, the world. And every last one condemned her for being distasteful, at best. Her performance was almost universally reviled.

Now, with 20/20 hindsight, we at Dumb Things will agree. Miley’s performance was distasteful — distasteful like a FOX!

Miley ad

Take a look at Youtube. What do you see surrounding Miley’s video? An advertisement for her new album which, just by happenstance, drops less than a month after her shameful display of hyper-sexuality at the Video Music Awards.

Taken in context, Miss Cyrus’ VMA performance, during which she was seen to twerk and grind ad nauseum was pure, unadulterated, orchestrated genius.

Think about it: Miley and her handlers knew exactly what they were doing, using the VMAs as the perfect venue for Cyrus to pull her best Lady Gaga impression. “Let’s create the most sexually suggestive, morally repugnant performance we can,” they must have said, “and then launch the album a few weeks later.”

And, you know what? It worked. Miley became the talk of the nation (keeping in mind the quote commonly attributed to Brendan Behan, “there’s no such thing as bad publicity”).

That’s earned media, in the parlance of public relations. Millions and millions of dollars worth of free publicity, not to mention water-cooler- and dinner-table-talk, all expertly timed to happen just before her latest album release.

You, media hawks, you, culture vultures — you have been handled.

What we have here is a three-step chess play, designed to set the stage, hook you and then reel you in.

First, came that video of Miley Twerking in a frog costume. That baits the hook.

Then the VMA performance, which causes the fish to bite (you being the fish). Then all the ads for Miley’s upcoming album start popping up and, before you know it, you’ve downloaded it from iTunes, watched it on Youtube, and find yourself gasping for breath in a bucket half-filled with seawater.

Move #4 may be a return to her pop-country roots, which folks will buy, too, and willfully spread the word on how Miley “grew up.”

Distasteful? Sure. Repugnant? No doubt. Amoral? Certainly. But dumb? No way, and completely orchestrated.

May 16, 2011

Does Rick Springfield want to kill Jesse and his girl?

by Me

Here’s a quiz: Imagine you’re drunk. Now imagine you’re driving. Now imagine that the cops pull you over. Do you:

A. walk in a straight line as best you can and try to pretend you’re not as drunk as you are

B. Admit your mistake, understanding that the police are just doing their jobs and pick up your car from the impound lot in the morning

C. Tell the cops that if they tow your car you’re going to “f*cking kill” them and their families

According to the website TMZ, singer Rick Springfield chose C.

Here's Springfield's mugshot. That's the face of a stone-cold killer. Or an '80s pop star. One or the other.

The website reported that when the “Jesse’s Girl” singer was arrested allegedly driving his $200,000 Stingray drunk as a skunk, he threatened the cops and their families. The cops, TMZ reported, excluded that little bit of info on the report because when you’re a celebrity in California, little things like threats of multiple murders don’t matter that much.

Keep in mind that, as TMZ noted, the same police station conveniently forgot to mention that when Mel Gibson pulled a similar stunt a few years ago, his anti-Semitic rant went under the radar, too.

Springfield’s rep didn’t even bother to deny the charge (or confirm it) — he just pointed out how sorry it was that information like this can be leaked to news sources:

“Someone has leaked information illegally. It’s a sad reflection on society today that people in law enforcement who we look up to, pander to the celebrity gossip channels.”

May 9, 2011

And now, using only this photoediting software, I will make Hillary Clinton disappear!

by Me

You know that iconic photo of the Situation Room in which the leaders of the free world watched as Osama bin Laden was ushered out of this world?

Oh, you know it — it’s been everywhere. Here it is again.

Is there anything overtly sexual about that picture? If there is, we sure can’t see it, but to some ultra religious zealot newspapers, even the presence of women is too sexual for the front page. Even if it’s Hillary Clinton wearing a suit. Really.

As Yahoo News’ Joe Pompeo reports, one paper in particular, Der Tzitung, thought Hil’s sexual magnetism was so strong, so irresistible, that she had to be Photoshopped out of the picture.

Der Tzitung is an Orthodox Jewish paper, and we want to make a few things very clear. There is nothing wrong with Jewish belief — there’s nothing wrong with belief in general, but specifically, in this case, we want to say loudly and clearly that Orthodox Jewish belief is not a shanda in any way.

But this paper’s use of photoediting to remove the very presence of a woman (actually women — Audrey Tomason, the national director of counterterrorism, was also edited out) is not only scandalous, not only dumb enough to deserve a berth on Dumb Things of the Week, but is predicated on the (probably accurate) idea that its readers live in some sort of woman-free bubble, in which females are relegated to kitchens and bedrooms.

Der Tzitung’s editors assumed, rightly, in all probability, that their regular readers would never see any other reproduction of one of the most iconic pictures of the year. They also assumed, quite wrongly, that nobody outside their insular community would ever catch on.

That, dear readers is dumb as it gets.

UPDATE: The Associated Press reports that the editors of Der Tzitung have apologized for the gaffe.

But here’s the best part of the whole affair: Ignoring the White House’s ban on doctoring photos, various folks around the web have turned it into a meme, editing in other people. Here are some of the best scoured from the web:

May 4, 2011

TMI, Sheen, and MYOB

by Me

According to news sources, Charlie Sheen is sharing personal information about his former girlfriends.

Sheen apparently told the crowd during his Violent Torpedo of Truth tour that his then-girlfriend Kelly Preston shot herself in 1990.

Here’s what the website said about the situation:

Preston appeared naked at the top of the stairs covered in blood. He says that she had picked up a pair of his pants in the bathroom, without realizing his revolver was in the pocket. The gun fell to the ground and discharged. The bullet hit the toilet and shrapnel or a piece of broken porcelain hit Preston.

If Sheen needs to resort to sharing what might be  suicide attempt stories from former girlfriends to keep himself in the news, maybe he should call it quits. Of course, the story as told is not a suicide attempt story. No, it’s a boring bit of drivel that nobody cares about.

Of course, the other dumb thing about this is the celebrity worship we all seem to be guilty of. For example, Scarlett Johansson was in the news earlier this week, and trending on, because her hair color changed.

Great. Wonderful. Thanks. Definitely need-to-know information. Yeah.

May 1, 2011

Dodd picks a Peck

by Me

So, you’re finished with a long career in politics, having reached the high and mighty office of senator. But now you’re done. It’s all over. Off to the golf course and, if you’re Chris Dodd, to Hollywood.

Why was Chris Dodd in LA launching a stamp of all things?

That’s right — The Hollywood Reporter this week reported that Mr. Dodd was in La-la Land this week alongside, of all the people in the world, Sharon Stone and Morgan Freeman to usher in a new Gregory Peck commemorative stamp for the U.S. Postal Service.

This is so dumb in so many ways. Let’s list the idiocy, in the hope it makes some sort of rational sense after the exercise:

1. Why the heck is Dodd chief of the MPAA?

2. Does the post office really think a Peck stamp is going to revive its flagging business? (Maybe, considering the age of people who actually send letters these days.)

3. Why in tarnation is Sharon Stone there? (The LA Times reported that Stone met Peck once, so that makes sense.)

4. Doesn’t Dodd have anything better to do?

Nope. Didn’t help a bit.

Oh, yeah, that's why.

April 28, 2011

Battle royale: Fishermen vs. hair dressers

by Me

It should be a core rule for life: If Kesha does it, don’t.

But millions aren’t taking that seemingly basic piece of advice, and fly fishermen are suffering as a result.

NPR’s Marketplace reported recently that the trend of putting rooster feathers in your hair  — made popular by Kesha and others — is giving fly fishermen a hard time.

You see, the same rooster tail feathers that go in your hair are used to make the lures fly fishermen use. And so many are heading off to salons that there aren’t enough left for the fishermen.

Now, I grant you, as problems of the world go, this ranks pretty low, but at least we have something else with which to blame celebrities: The degradation of morality, lower artistic standards and no brook trout on the table.

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