Legislature OKs cow poop raffles

by Me

Importance, we now know, is relative. For some, the most important this is freedom. For some, that freedom means the freedom to bet on where a cow will poop without the government getting all involved.

Really.

What happens when the cow poops over several sqaures?

The Connecticut legislature this week, while weighing things like subsidized education for immigrants and, you know, boring stuff like that, took the time out to approve a change in how it regulates cow chip raffles.

As the Connecticut Mirror reported, a cow stands on a chalked grid and participants each buy a square. The cow does what cows do best and, depending on where nature calls, you might be a winner.

The best part of this story is how seriously legislators took the debate.

“If you are the person who bought a ticket in a cow chip raffle, you want to know how it’s being played,” Rep. Patricia Widlitz told the Mirror.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

The state statute that will be changed goes as follows: “Each organization intending to sponsor or conduct a cow-chip raffle shall furnish with its application, required pursuant to section 7-173, a cow-chip raffle plot plan displaying the land area to be utilized for such raffle and the numbered plots, each corresponding to a numbered cow-chip raffle ticket.

Which, translated from legalese, means that the state wanted a map of the plot of land on which the cows would poop. The legislature no longer seems to feel that such information is necessary for good governance.

The world’s going to Hell in a hand-basket. What’s next? Rules on duck races? Oh, wait — the same regulation applies there, too:

For the purpose of this subsection, “duck-race raffle” means a raffle in which artificial ducks, numbered consecutively to correspond with the number of tickets sold for such raffle, are placed in a naturally moving stream of water at a designated starting point and in which the ticket corresponding to the number of the first duck to pass a designated finishing point is the winning ticket.”

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