Texas: Noodling is OK by us — but bath salts? Hell no

by Me

At some point this week, there was a conversation in the Texas legislature that went something along these lines:

“Hey guys, let’s take a break from all this serious conversation about budgets and shortfalls and boring stuff like that to approve noodling.”

This guy probably lost his watch. Or that engagement ring he was going to give his sweetheart.

“Good idea.”

In Texas, one must assume, nobody asked, “What’s noodling?” The “sport,” and we use the term lightly, is apparently popular enough in the Lone Star State to warrant a serious discussion on the subject in the midst of a heated budgetary battle, as USA Today reported this week.

What, you’re not familiar with the phrase? Well … noodling is an idiotic, albeit ancient, way of catching catfish. You find a hole where the fish live, you stick your arm in the hole, and you wait for the fish to bite.

We here at DTOTW have no problem with ancient ways of hunting. Spears, bows and arrows, well-thrown rocks — these seem reasonable in our eyes. But there has to be a better way to catch a fish then using your own bits and pieces as bait. Until now, the sport has actually been illegal in the state, punishable by a $500 fine.

Imagine, if you will, a pair of cavemen from two different tribes. We’ll call them Caveman A and Caveman B. Far in the distance is a wooly mammoth, such as might feed their respective tribes for weeks. Do they, say, drop a boulder on the thing’s head? No. Throw a few spears and hope for the best? No.

Instead, the line of thinking follows thusly:

Caveman A: “Hey, look at that mammoth.”

Caveman B: “Big sucker.”

Caveman A: “Here’s an idea — go up to the mammoth and make a lot of noise. Then, when the thing charges, you kill it.”

Caveman B: “Great idea!”

Two guesses which tribe ended up living in Texas.

While we at DTOTW are all in favor of canoodling, when it comes to noodling we have to ask — you guys ever heard of a lure?

No, you’re not a real man until you’ve been elbow deep inside a live catfish.

In other Texas-based news, the legislature is, according to several news outlets, just about ready to ban bath salts.

This, however, is not as dumb as it sounds, as we are not referring to the which, milky beads that make bath time so luxurious. There is apparently a hallucinogenic drug known as “bath salts,” though we presume very few women in for a dainty bath get the two confused.

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