The kinda dumb story of “the cup song”

Those of you older than 14 may not have heard the cup song, or heard of “Pitch Perfect.” The story of the cup song is simultaneously a wonderful allegory for the power of social media and the future of music, and proof that kids are, essentially, dumb.

From old-timey country ballad to tween sensation, the cup song has gone through some odd iterations — and most of the thousands of little girls currently annoying their parents by banging cups on desks and tables have no idea of the song’s origins.

This is the cup song, as performed by Anna Kendrick in the film “Pitch Perfect.”

That’s cool. But, wait — there’s this band from across the pond, Lulu and the Lampshades, who did an even better version of it, way, way back in 2009.

And, as Know Your Meme points out, the two, too-cute girls from Lulu got the cup beat from a different YouTube video, published more than a year earlier.

But, long before that — like 90 years before — Mainer’s Mountaineers recorded a country tune called “You’re Gonna Miss Me.”

Knowing the long and tortured history of “You’re Gonna Miss Me” isn’t dumb, and seeing how social media can turn a dusty, half-forgotten country tune into a tween mega-hit is fascinating. Do kids even care that Mainer’s Mountaineers recorded, nearly a century earlier, what would become a bit for Anna Kendrick on David Letterman? Probably not.

UPDATE: As a few commenters (see below) have mentioned, the cup beat portion is far older than we at Dumb Things previously thought.

The classic show “Full House” featured the “cup game” way back in season three, in 1989, as seen in the clip below.

But before that, Christian singer Rich Mullins played the cup game in 1987 to accompany his song, “Screen Door.”

Probably, though, the cup game is older than that. Was Mullins the first? If you know differently, leave a comment.

Will the real groundhog please stand up?

The complete and utter idiocy of the pagan-esque tradition known as Groundhog Day has grown exponentially. You can’t turn around without smacking a groundhog in his weather-predicting mouth.

We all know Punxutawney Phil, or however the Hell you spell the name of the small town in Pennsylvania with only that one dumb claim to fame. But did you know about Western Maryland Murray?

How about Nibbles? No?

Well, you must know about Smith Lake Jake, Patty Pagoda, Shubenacadie Sam, General Beauregard Lee and Wiarton Willie.

Groundhog Day itself is idiotic, like Paganism-lite, a way for God-fearing Christians to dabble in a bit of Nature worship on the side. But the proliferation of rodent weather prediction takes the dumbness to a level only the Tooth Fairy could reach.

Each town, and that’s only a small selection, relies to some degree on a rodent for weather prediction and/or tourism dollars.

And it’s just dumb. I mean, look at that a picture of a groundhog.

Look at his face. Cute, you say? I say that’s not the visage of a trained meteorologist. Ol’ Phil in Pennsylvania is only right 39

percent of the time, anyway.

For God’s sake, put some clothes on

As a news site in Florida is reporting a pair of sunbathers crashed on a water scooter and had to get taken to the hospital.

What’s special about that? Well, let’s say the injured couple were going for that full-body suntan.

That’s right, as wesh.com reports, two people were injured in a water scooter accident at Cypress Cove Nudist Resort in Kissimmee.

The kicker: They were both 62 years old.

Now imagine that portly gentelman on the right with two broken arms and bleeding profusely.

Now, let’s go ahead and imagine the scene. You’re an ambulance driver. A call comes on the radio reporting a water scooter crash. You turn on the lights, step on the gas and go. You arrive, you and your cohorts get the gurney out of the back of the ambulance and race to the scene to help and … OH MY GOD WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! SHIELD YOUR EYES! AAAAHHHH!!

The unidentified couple were apparently traveling at a speed of about 40 mph when the water scooter they had borrowed from a friend hit a sea wall.

According to the report, the man suffered two broken arms, which means he’ll be wearing something, at least a few casts and a hospital gown (thank God) for a while.

Hackers hit dating site with the ugly stick

Here’s a case where hackers did something positive.

Website hacks have become ever more prevalent these days. Lulzsec, for example, is credited with cracking the CIA’s site (and no, not the Culinary Institute of America) as well as PBS’ website.

If you look like this, don't bother dating at all. Unless you can find an enchanted princess chained to a rock by a dragon and who, therefore, can't run away.

You could make a case that throwing a thorn into the side of national security and public broadcasting is not that nice. But, according to media like The Guardian, among others, a group of hackers infiltrated Beautifulpeople.com and let 30,000 ugly faces in the front door.

In case you don’t know, Beautifulpeople.com is a dating site that relies on no fewer than three mortal sins — lust, pride and greed. In order to be accepted, a potential dater must be rated as beautiful, and the site itself boasts thousands of people rejected for not being pretty enough.

And it doesn’t end there — last year, 5,000 people were kicked off the site after Christmas when they appeared to have gained some weight.

Really.

Then the hackers opened the door.

“We got suspicious when tens of thousands of new members were accepted over a six-week period, many of whom were no oil painting,” managing director Greg Hodge told The Guardian.

Upwards of 30,000 “ugly” people were let in the door, many of whom were then kicked out, costing the site tons of cashola.

This is Monica Hansen, Miss Norway. Apparently all Norwegian women look like this.

Oh, by the way, the virus was called “Shrek,” after the animated ogre who proves that looks don’t matter.

Interestingly, it matters where you’re from. Swedes are the most represented nationality on the site, as are Norwegians. Brits, Irish and Americans, apparently, need not apply.

God bless those hackers. Score one for the homely.

Animals are stupid: Dogs can’t stop going in circles

Here’s out Animals are Stupid post this week, featuring the dog who can’t stop going in circles. Metaphor for life? Maybe.

Connecticut’s mountain lion tweets his banality

It started with the Bronx Zoo’s cobra, which supposedly escaped.

Then other people — and we must stress this point, they are people — started Twitter feeds for various animals and inanimate objects. Teddy bears have had Twitter pages, as have cats, mice and God only knows what else.

Now the Connecticut mountain lion has gotten into the act.

The debate of whether or not Connecticut is home to mountain lions has raged for years. The Department of Environmental Protection has denied the fact while residents across the state have sworn up and down that the “big cat” they saw was a real, honest-to-goodness mountain lion.

Meet Connecticut's newest social media guru.

But now the DEP has changed its tune — the department issued a statement confirming that a big cat sighted in Greenwich is, in fact, a mountain lion.

And all of two hours later it was sending out tweets. Here’s a sample:

“You said I didn’t exist #DEP but I do – This is my coming out ceremony! ROAR baby!”

Which, we have to admit, is pretty funny.

But, really, who has time for this sort of thing? One imagines some fat, bored journalist, vainly attempting to interject a bit of excitement into his banal existence, and maybe create something viral, too.

But, then, who are we to judge?

Pennies as protest — or, 2,500 reasons to get arrested

News media were abuzz this morning with a report that a Utah man paid a disputed $25 medical bill with pennies, and was subsequently arrested and charged with disorderly conflict.

Really.

Fast fact: When Seal Team Six found Osama bin Laden, he was reportedly discovered with literally tons of pennies, just waiting to drop them on an unsuspecting populace.

No, to be clear, he didn’t just pay with pennies — Jason West (no relation to Kanye, we assume) didn’t take the time to roll them into nice little cylinders. No, he walked in, said something along the lines of “Say hello to my little friends” (we hope), and dumped about 15 pounds of pennies on the counter and floor.

The folks at the medical clinic were flabbergasted, to say the least, more than one shouting, “Oh! The humanity!” before collapsing into piles of gurgling piles of flesh (again, we hope).

And, for this reason, West was charged with disorderly conflict.

As for the pennies-to-weight conversion, we checked. Each U.S. penny (post 1982) weighs 2.5 grams, so 2,500 of them equals about 15 pounds.

We also did a bit of other research: We tried to find out what, in 2011, you could buy with a single Lincoln pseudo-copper penny. To help out all the money-conscious out there, we compiled a list (because it is our lot in life to be a salve to those in need). That list is below:

 

 

 

 

 

The evils of marijuana

We’re sort of apolitical here at Dumb Things of the Week. We don’t take stances on anything but idiocy, an issue about which we feel passionately.

So while the Connecticut State Senate is debating a bill that would decriminalize small amounts of marijuana, we’re not going to say ye or nay — nobody cares what we think, anyway.

REEFER MADNESS!!!!

And Sen. Toni Boucher has a right to her opin- no, wait, no she doesn’t. She should have no right to voice an opinion based on stupidity and misinformation.

During her drearily long speech on the floor of the Senate, using as much hyperbole and misinformation as there are characters in the Chinese alphabet, she spoke about the evils of marijuana, the terrible havoc it wreaks on unsuspecting children, how it leads to terrible things and how horrible the state will be should the bill pass.

She really did.

In her closing remarks, Boucher said she gets “physically sick when I think about this issue”  and read from an essay by a 7th grade student in New Haven who had been adopted.

This can kill you ... in 80 years or so.

“When I was born my mom had a drug addiction problem,” the kid, who remained nameless, supposedly wrote. He was apparently in and out of foster homes and was lucky enough to find a permanent residence with a loving family only four years ago.

“I don’t ever want to use drugs because drugs took my parents away from me,” he wrote.

Um, Ms. Boucher, can we ask a question? Which drugs? Weed? His parents were unable to take care of him because they smoked too much pot?

Yeah, right.

And, um, Ms. Boucher, can we ask another question? WHYARE YOU READING A 7th GRADER’s ESSAY ON THE FLOOR OF THE SENATE??

 

Sorry. Just had to vent there. Let’s all calm down with a bit of music.

New York’s Weiner: ‘That’s not my crotch’ – oh, wait, yes it is

UPDATE: Our crack investigative team has uncovered (well, bad choice of words there) the famous picture Rep. Weiner now admits he sent. For all of you just dying to see it, here it is. But, remember, once seen, it can’t be unseen. You have been warned

 

 

You grow up with the surname “Weiner” and you know you’re going to hear it all. But, one would think, that by the time you’re a married man, a father and a rather well-known congressmen, the weiner jokes would, well, get kind of soft.

In this photo, Rep. Anthony Weiner is not, in any way, showing everybody the size of his penis.

Rep. Anthony Weiner, a New York congressman known for being a bit, shall we say outspoken, says his Twitter profile was hacked when a 21-year-old woman from Seattle received a picture of what purported to be Rep. Weiner’s namesake, according to the New York Daily News.

Now, we here at DTOTW would LOVE to provide that photo to our readers but the post and the photo were taken down immediately after getting posted. Weiner, far from being amused (he should have been flattered — we hear the photo “left little to the imagination” and displayed a quite well-endowed member of congress) seemed initially bored.

Police, take note. This, according to Rep. Weiner, is an artist's rendering of the man who hacked the congressman's Twitter account.

“Touche Prof Moriarity. More Weiner Jokes for all my guests!” he tweeted later.

The Daily News quoted a spokesperson who suggested that the whole incident was a scheme to distract the Weiner-loving populace and that a future lawsuit was not impossible.

The unwitting foil, Gennette Nicole Cordova, said she’s never been to New York or D.C., and has never met the honorable Mr. Weiner.

“All of this is so outlandish that I don’t know whether to be pissed off or amused, quite frankly.” That’s what she said.

What’s the problem? That’s what she said. Really.

On a side note, what’s with Weiner’s allusion to Prof. James Moriarty? Does Weiner stylize himself as a modern-day Sherlock Holmes? does it take a “Napoleon of crime” to hack a Twitter account?

No, Weiner’s ego is probably just a bit larger than the photo phallus he says he did not tweet to the world.

Sex offender busted trolling web in public, next to a cop

There are those who say that sex offenders suffer from a disease. Then there are those who say that child molesters are the scum scraped from the bottom of some primordial tide-pool and deserve whatever genital mutilation they receive.

Whichever it is, the first rule for any convicted criminal should be don’t get caught again. Go straight. Keep your nose clean. Suffer for your sins.

If California authorities can be believed, Robert Nicholas McGuire didn’t follow that advice. A convicted sex offender, he was arrested after allegedly trolling Facebook on an iPad at an Apple store while standing next to a police officer.

Facebook. THE source for child pornographers worldwide.

He had previously been convicted on a child porn charge, as the Huffington Post reports, and was recognized and followed as he walked into the retail outlet in San Louis Obispo.

So, there he (allegedly) is, trolling for child porn on an iPad in an Apple store, and a cop walks up and starts browsing the computer next to him. The cop pulls up a Megan’s Law website which identifies McGuire and provides a photo.

McGuire, not surprisingly, was arrested. There was little question about his identity, after all.

This is akin to a bank robber walking into a Western Union to case the joint while his picture is hanging up on the wall.

If guilty, you can argue that McGuire is scum — or, you can argue that he’s sick. But you can’t argue with the idea that, as criminals go, he’s more Darwin Award than Professor Moriarty.